Being a mom is no joke, and trying to find my mommy identity is an ongoing process that for me, even after 11 years of parenting, I still haven't completely figured out. Is it really possible to establish your personal mommy identity?
So what do I mean by mommy identity? Well I'm not talking about the person I am aside from my children, I'm literally just talking about the type of mother I want to be for my children. Not the whole Jaime person, just the mommy part of who I am. Do I want to be a fun mom? A serious mom? A mom with lots of rules or totally lax about stuff? Do I over-involve them in activities or do I tell them to get out of my house and find their own stuff to do using that fancy thing called imagination? I don't know.
I guess I have continually struggled to find my mommy identity because putting it into one box is impossible. It is a combination of all of those things. I can't just be one type of mother because my kids keep changing. My situation keeps changing. I keep changing. So why do I feel this pressure to identify myself in a certain way? Is that pressure coming from society or from myself?
Obviously mothers unintentionally pressure each other sometimes to choose the type of mother we are through conversation about choices, reactions, etc. But the real pressure doesn't come from those other mothers...it comes from me. I want so badly to be able to say that I am a certain type of mother because in a strange way, that label validates the choices I have made relating to my children. If I identify myself as an organized, rule oriented mother than it is ok when I am totally inflexible and strict because that is what I have decided is best for my children. Or not...
I guess when it's all said and done I want to believe that I have a parenting strategy, not an identity. To me the difference is flexibility. Now no one would ever describe me as flexible but that's all the more reason to think of it this way. If I label myself as something I'm stuck. If I think of my parenting as an overall strategy then I can have goals but still allow myself to flex as my children grow and change.
Understanding who I am as a mother is an ongoing process that I may truly never grasp. But I'd rather my kids grow up and have lots of words to describe me (even bad words) rather than just the couple I chose to identify with.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
What the...Whistle
"Quality parent" moments...You know, those times when your kids do something totally wrong (I mean not PC kind of wrong) and all you can do is say to yourself "yep, quality parent right here."
One of my kids favorite things to do is rock out in my car. Wherever we are driving we turn up the music really loud, sing at the top of our lungs, and dance until we get to our destination. It's a long running pastime in my car and my kids beg me for it daily. Good clean family fun right? Sometimes...
So when I was a kid we were only allowed to listen to oldies, christian music, and Rick Astley of course. In my adult life I really like all kinds of music including not kid appropriate songs in some cases. Problem is, XM. On XM they play appropriate and not appropriate songs on the same station and sometimes inappropriate songs are so catchy that you leave them playing for a while before you realize that the words are NOT COOL! Enter "Whistle."
So "Whistle" is this totally catchy, really entertaining song by Flo Rida. Starts out with whistling and some fine lyrics until you realize that he is talking about "adult" whistling. But it's too late...your kids have absorbed the words and are now whistling even. Bigger problem...when the song comes on I can't help myself but listen to like the first 20 seconds cuz it's just so great.
Here's the quality parent part...song comes on and I taunt my youngest son for a second and say to him "isn't this your favorite song?" He promptly says no. But then, my oldest says "this is totally my favorite song" and begins whistling and worse, my middle daughter (totally straight-faced) says "this is THE song I sing in the shower."
There you have it...quality parent right here. I guess as long as it stays in the shower and she doesn't say it to some kid at school or worse her teacher, my quality parenting stays quiet; at least this one time.
One of my kids favorite things to do is rock out in my car. Wherever we are driving we turn up the music really loud, sing at the top of our lungs, and dance until we get to our destination. It's a long running pastime in my car and my kids beg me for it daily. Good clean family fun right? Sometimes...
So when I was a kid we were only allowed to listen to oldies, christian music, and Rick Astley of course. In my adult life I really like all kinds of music including not kid appropriate songs in some cases. Problem is, XM. On XM they play appropriate and not appropriate songs on the same station and sometimes inappropriate songs are so catchy that you leave them playing for a while before you realize that the words are NOT COOL! Enter "Whistle."
So "Whistle" is this totally catchy, really entertaining song by Flo Rida. Starts out with whistling and some fine lyrics until you realize that he is talking about "adult" whistling. But it's too late...your kids have absorbed the words and are now whistling even. Bigger problem...when the song comes on I can't help myself but listen to like the first 20 seconds cuz it's just so great.
Here's the quality parent part...song comes on and I taunt my youngest son for a second and say to him "isn't this your favorite song?" He promptly says no. But then, my oldest says "this is totally my favorite song" and begins whistling and worse, my middle daughter (totally straight-faced) says "this is THE song I sing in the shower."
There you have it...quality parent right here. I guess as long as it stays in the shower and she doesn't say it to some kid at school or worse her teacher, my quality parenting stays quiet; at least this one time.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sugar
So I have an aversion to giving my kids sugar. Alright, alright, alright. An aversion is a mild way to say how I feel. I DESPISE giving my children sugar and have avoided it as much as humanly possible for their entire lives. So the fact that yesterday was Halloween is almost enough to make me have an aneurism!
While I understand that part of being a kid is "living the kiddie dream" so to speak which means occasionally staying up too late, not showering or cleaning their room, and eating junk food, I still don't have to like it!
Sugar is one of the things that confuses me about parenting. I guess not just sugar but kids diets. I honestly don't care what you give your kid. If you want to give your kid nothing but chicken breasts and broccoli, or pizza and candy bars every meal I couldn't care less. What you choose to do regarding your own kids diets is simply that; your choice. But that isn't how most parents seem to feel about it. Food choices for others children is one of those things that parents seem to feel is ok to give their opinion on. I sort of think you should shut the hell up about it honestly. Truthfully, how is what I give my kid any concern of yours? If my kids are sugar deprived, that changes your life in what way?
Look, I'm not God's gift to parenting. I do however have extreme opinions about some things relating to my family and my children and sugar just happens to be one of them. The difference between you and I is that I don't criticize your food choices for your kids so why is it ok for you to do that to me?
Let's be totally clear...I haven't completely deprived my children of treats. I don't have soda in my house EVER and I choose to only let them have sugary treats if they eat their dinner. On some occasions (special occasions) they can have soda, candy, cake, etc, but it is just that; special...not normal. I don't think my children's lives are so awful because they don't have sugar whenever they want. I don't think they see it that way either. Treats are treats. Which by definition means something that doesn't happen whenever they feel like it.
Real life is about moderation. As adults we understand that we can't have everything we want all the time. I feel like part of my job as a mother is to teach my kids moderation and I choose to do it with food as one example. You may choose to teach that lesson with some other medium. I guess the part where you lose me is that I respect your choices for your kids, it would be nice if you provided me the same respect that I show you. Giving my kids soda and candy bars when you know I don't doesn't help them...I actually don't see how it helps you either. As adults we are supposed to set an example for our kids. Respecting each others parenting choices sometimes is a pretty good place to start.
I read a great quote today..."don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." Do you feel like the example your children SEE is the type of person you want them to become?
While I understand that part of being a kid is "living the kiddie dream" so to speak which means occasionally staying up too late, not showering or cleaning their room, and eating junk food, I still don't have to like it!
Sugar is one of the things that confuses me about parenting. I guess not just sugar but kids diets. I honestly don't care what you give your kid. If you want to give your kid nothing but chicken breasts and broccoli, or pizza and candy bars every meal I couldn't care less. What you choose to do regarding your own kids diets is simply that; your choice. But that isn't how most parents seem to feel about it. Food choices for others children is one of those things that parents seem to feel is ok to give their opinion on. I sort of think you should shut the hell up about it honestly. Truthfully, how is what I give my kid any concern of yours? If my kids are sugar deprived, that changes your life in what way?
Look, I'm not God's gift to parenting. I do however have extreme opinions about some things relating to my family and my children and sugar just happens to be one of them. The difference between you and I is that I don't criticize your food choices for your kids so why is it ok for you to do that to me?
Let's be totally clear...I haven't completely deprived my children of treats. I don't have soda in my house EVER and I choose to only let them have sugary treats if they eat their dinner. On some occasions (special occasions) they can have soda, candy, cake, etc, but it is just that; special...not normal. I don't think my children's lives are so awful because they don't have sugar whenever they want. I don't think they see it that way either. Treats are treats. Which by definition means something that doesn't happen whenever they feel like it.
Real life is about moderation. As adults we understand that we can't have everything we want all the time. I feel like part of my job as a mother is to teach my kids moderation and I choose to do it with food as one example. You may choose to teach that lesson with some other medium. I guess the part where you lose me is that I respect your choices for your kids, it would be nice if you provided me the same respect that I show you. Giving my kids soda and candy bars when you know I don't doesn't help them...I actually don't see how it helps you either. As adults we are supposed to set an example for our kids. Respecting each others parenting choices sometimes is a pretty good place to start.
I read a great quote today..."don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." Do you feel like the example your children SEE is the type of person you want them to become?
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Yep I'm a Walking Contradiction
Trying to teach your children how to be responsible, respectful, functioning future adults is insanely difficult. Mostly because I'm a giant walking contradiction.
On a daily basis I find myself contradicting the things I ask of my children by doing something entirely different myself. I require they always use good manners, but sometimes I forget to say "please" when I ask them to do something or "thank you" when they do what I ask. I continuously remind them to be kind to one another, but I know I'm not always kind to everyone around me. I ask them to not yell at one another, but rolled down the window in my car the other day to literally scream at a moron who almost killed us; he deserved it but that's obviously not the point.
If the old saying is true that children are more likely to mimic our actions rather then follow our words then why do we as parents frequently live the more sarcastic life lesson of "do as I say not as I do?" I guess my only thought is that we want our children to be better than we are...but that's a total cop-out.
Reality is that we are flawed human beings and teaching another human being how to be better than we are is ridiculously challenging and frankly almost impossible unless we mirror our desires for them with actions, not words. But this is where the contradiction part comes in. I'm an adult. I have earned in my mind the right to not always say and do the right thing. Too bad the day I had children all that went to crap...I no longer had the right to say and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I chose to have a baby and therefore I chose to take on the responsibility that came with that, including teaching that little child how to be a future functioning adult in our society.
I saw this picture once on this website by husband was looking at. It was meant to be funny, and trust me it was, but in a way it totally scarred me. It was a little boy, maybe 11 or 12 years old holding both his middle fingers up at the camera with the tagline of "are you raising a douche bag?" I'm terrified honestly that my kids will grow up to be whiny, entitled little jerks that people see on the street and think "their mother raised a douche bag." Hopefully however, it won't be because they are mirroring the behavior I have taught them through my actions.
I struggle everyday to teach my children to be good people. Respectful of others and respectful of themselves. I definitely do things I shouldn't, but the lessons I teach my children aren't just words. Sure sometimes I contradict what I tell them...who doesn't...but as long as I stay conscious of the bigger picture, the larger lessons I want to teach my kids, and continue to focus on not raising little jerks, my mild contradictions will hopefully show my kids that I'm not always perfect; and they don't always have to be either. Now that's a worthwhile lesson to teach them.
On a daily basis I find myself contradicting the things I ask of my children by doing something entirely different myself. I require they always use good manners, but sometimes I forget to say "please" when I ask them to do something or "thank you" when they do what I ask. I continuously remind them to be kind to one another, but I know I'm not always kind to everyone around me. I ask them to not yell at one another, but rolled down the window in my car the other day to literally scream at a moron who almost killed us; he deserved it but that's obviously not the point.
If the old saying is true that children are more likely to mimic our actions rather then follow our words then why do we as parents frequently live the more sarcastic life lesson of "do as I say not as I do?" I guess my only thought is that we want our children to be better than we are...but that's a total cop-out.
Reality is that we are flawed human beings and teaching another human being how to be better than we are is ridiculously challenging and frankly almost impossible unless we mirror our desires for them with actions, not words. But this is where the contradiction part comes in. I'm an adult. I have earned in my mind the right to not always say and do the right thing. Too bad the day I had children all that went to crap...I no longer had the right to say and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I chose to have a baby and therefore I chose to take on the responsibility that came with that, including teaching that little child how to be a future functioning adult in our society.
I saw this picture once on this website by husband was looking at. It was meant to be funny, and trust me it was, but in a way it totally scarred me. It was a little boy, maybe 11 or 12 years old holding both his middle fingers up at the camera with the tagline of "are you raising a douche bag?" I'm terrified honestly that my kids will grow up to be whiny, entitled little jerks that people see on the street and think "their mother raised a douche bag." Hopefully however, it won't be because they are mirroring the behavior I have taught them through my actions.
I struggle everyday to teach my children to be good people. Respectful of others and respectful of themselves. I definitely do things I shouldn't, but the lessons I teach my children aren't just words. Sure sometimes I contradict what I tell them...who doesn't...but as long as I stay conscious of the bigger picture, the larger lessons I want to teach my kids, and continue to focus on not raising little jerks, my mild contradictions will hopefully show my kids that I'm not always perfect; and they don't always have to be either. Now that's a worthwhile lesson to teach them.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
If that thing falls out one more time I'm going to glue it to your face
Oh the joys of having new babies.
While there are certainly many wonderful things about having adorable, cute, cuddly, sweet smelling, smiling babies...none of those things are wonderful at 3:00 in the morning.
I lived and died by two things when my kids were babies...their swing and their moo moo (you may call it a paci, soother, binky, etc). Without those two things I truly may have lost my mind. When neither of those things worked or for example they wouldn't keep their moo moo in their mouth especially in the middle of the night I found myself having unreasonable thoughts like, "if that thing falls out of your mouth one more time I'm going to glue it to your face." And in conversations with other mothers, especially a great friend who just had a baby, I realized that many moms feel this way.
I think as our children get older we become less sympathetic to the life of the new mother. Mothers with new babies have it rough. In our "older kid" life we forget how unbelievably hard it was when our children were incapable of doing anything for themselves. How honestly sad and lonely that life was. We lived and died by the needs of our children and oh my God how rough was that? Ridiculously!
I place no judgement on the choices new moms make with their children. Ok, I try hard not to place judgement. I think you have to do what is right for your child but sometimes, it's impossible to figure out what that really is because no one around you will let you form your own opinion. They all have an idea of the "right" way to parent; Which doesn't exist BTW.
The best advice I can give a new mom is fuck 'em honestly. Sorry to be so frank but I kind of think that's what people like about the way I say things; honestly and straight forward. You can't please everyone. You shouldn't even try. The best thing you can do is please yourself and make choices for your life and your baby that make you happy.
You will never make anyone else happy. People suck. Even when you give them what they want, they will change their mind. Be true to yourself. That baby wants to do what you want it to do. You are a confident, capable, amazing woman. You carried that baby for 10 months in your stomach. You birthed that baby.
You can do it! I promise you can. Don't you dare let anyone tell you that you can't.
While there are certainly many wonderful things about having adorable, cute, cuddly, sweet smelling, smiling babies...none of those things are wonderful at 3:00 in the morning.
I lived and died by two things when my kids were babies...their swing and their moo moo (you may call it a paci, soother, binky, etc). Without those two things I truly may have lost my mind. When neither of those things worked or for example they wouldn't keep their moo moo in their mouth especially in the middle of the night I found myself having unreasonable thoughts like, "if that thing falls out of your mouth one more time I'm going to glue it to your face." And in conversations with other mothers, especially a great friend who just had a baby, I realized that many moms feel this way.
I think as our children get older we become less sympathetic to the life of the new mother. Mothers with new babies have it rough. In our "older kid" life we forget how unbelievably hard it was when our children were incapable of doing anything for themselves. How honestly sad and lonely that life was. We lived and died by the needs of our children and oh my God how rough was that? Ridiculously!
I place no judgement on the choices new moms make with their children. Ok, I try hard not to place judgement. I think you have to do what is right for your child but sometimes, it's impossible to figure out what that really is because no one around you will let you form your own opinion. They all have an idea of the "right" way to parent; Which doesn't exist BTW.
The best advice I can give a new mom is fuck 'em honestly. Sorry to be so frank but I kind of think that's what people like about the way I say things; honestly and straight forward. You can't please everyone. You shouldn't even try. The best thing you can do is please yourself and make choices for your life and your baby that make you happy.
You will never make anyone else happy. People suck. Even when you give them what they want, they will change their mind. Be true to yourself. That baby wants to do what you want it to do. You are a confident, capable, amazing woman. You carried that baby for 10 months in your stomach. You birthed that baby.
You can do it! I promise you can. Don't you dare let anyone tell you that you can't.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
You don't "babysit" your own kids
What the hell is up with guys? Almost nothing irritates me more than when I hear a man say he is "babysitting his kids." You don't babysit your own children for crying out loud.
Why is it a mothers job to take care of the kids, but if the dad is taking care of them it is considered babysitting? Babysitting refers to something temporary. Kids are not temporary. We were both there to make the kid, we are both equally responsible for taking care of it.
Initially I mistakenly thought this was a stay at home mother issue but I find it equally common for the spouses of working moms to make the same babysitting proclamation. So honestly what's up with that? Can you imagine a mother saying to her friends that she's only babysitting the kids today? What does that even mean?
As I started to think about it I wondered if this whole babysitting thing is something we mothers perpetuate ourselves. Is there something that we are doing that allows our significant other to believe that he isn't as responsible for our children as we are? The harsh answer: Yes.
While my husband wouldn't dare use that word I do believe I have this issue in my own home and that I created it myself honestly. Being the control freak that I am (even if unintentionally), I put off a vibe that I am more capable of taking care of them than he is. When our children were younger I was certainly more of a nag. I had a perceived idea of what a parent "should" do and how they "should" play with their kids, feed them, etc. So if he didn't do it that way then I let him off the hook in the responsibilities and justified it to myself because I was doing what our kids needed. Thus creating an environment where it appears that he is only temporarily responsible for them and only when I need him to be.
So, how do we mothers solve this issue? For starters, we stop criticizing our partner about the way they parent. My husband said something so profound to me when our oldest daughter was about 3 that it snapped me out of my unrealistic expectations of him. He said "you aren't allowed to tell me how to parent my child. I'm allowed to establish the kind of relationship I want with my children without you telling me how to do that. You don't get to decide how I bond." Wow! He's so right. I don't get to tell him. I would be pretty pissed honestly if he did the same thing to me.
Does it still frustrate me that he isn't as engaged as I perceive he should be? Yes. Does it totally annoy me that sometimes he thinks playing with the kids is reading while they play a game next to him? Absolutely. But our children adore him. They think he is a rock star. So if they can let him parent how he wants to then I absolutely should; within reason of course ;).
Parenting is a partnership and if we mothers make our partner feel inferior in the process than of course they are going to perceive their role as less than too. While it's hard to admit that the problem starts with us, sometimes it does, and realizing it is the first step to making it better for everybody.
Why is it a mothers job to take care of the kids, but if the dad is taking care of them it is considered babysitting? Babysitting refers to something temporary. Kids are not temporary. We were both there to make the kid, we are both equally responsible for taking care of it.
Initially I mistakenly thought this was a stay at home mother issue but I find it equally common for the spouses of working moms to make the same babysitting proclamation. So honestly what's up with that? Can you imagine a mother saying to her friends that she's only babysitting the kids today? What does that even mean?
As I started to think about it I wondered if this whole babysitting thing is something we mothers perpetuate ourselves. Is there something that we are doing that allows our significant other to believe that he isn't as responsible for our children as we are? The harsh answer: Yes.
While my husband wouldn't dare use that word I do believe I have this issue in my own home and that I created it myself honestly. Being the control freak that I am (even if unintentionally), I put off a vibe that I am more capable of taking care of them than he is. When our children were younger I was certainly more of a nag. I had a perceived idea of what a parent "should" do and how they "should" play with their kids, feed them, etc. So if he didn't do it that way then I let him off the hook in the responsibilities and justified it to myself because I was doing what our kids needed. Thus creating an environment where it appears that he is only temporarily responsible for them and only when I need him to be.
So, how do we mothers solve this issue? For starters, we stop criticizing our partner about the way they parent. My husband said something so profound to me when our oldest daughter was about 3 that it snapped me out of my unrealistic expectations of him. He said "you aren't allowed to tell me how to parent my child. I'm allowed to establish the kind of relationship I want with my children without you telling me how to do that. You don't get to decide how I bond." Wow! He's so right. I don't get to tell him. I would be pretty pissed honestly if he did the same thing to me.
Does it still frustrate me that he isn't as engaged as I perceive he should be? Yes. Does it totally annoy me that sometimes he thinks playing with the kids is reading while they play a game next to him? Absolutely. But our children adore him. They think he is a rock star. So if they can let him parent how he wants to then I absolutely should; within reason of course ;).
Parenting is a partnership and if we mothers make our partner feel inferior in the process than of course they are going to perceive their role as less than too. While it's hard to admit that the problem starts with us, sometimes it does, and realizing it is the first step to making it better for everybody.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Surprise
I suppose this is a redundant word when it comes to parenting but oh how I am constantly surprised with this whole shenanigan called parenting. Even more so, life surprises me. Just when you think you have it all figured out something comes around that knocks you straight on your ass.
So I guess the question is...why do I continue to disillusion myself into believing I have it all figured out, even part of the time? The truth would be to say I never know what the hell I am doing. It's all one giant experiment and my kids are the unfortunate test subjects for my inability to always be amazing at parenting.
Disillusioning myself into thinking that I've got this parenting thing down even a little is a protection mechanism I suppose. If I allow myself to think even slightly that I can't do it, then psychologically I will fail. Guaranteed! Telling myself that I can do it, and I know what is happening, and I know how to react, at least theoretically provides me with some hope that I can respond appropriately.
Surprise is such a funny concept. For a control freak like me it's a terrifying concept. Horrifies me honestly. But some people totally thrive on it. They love not knowing what life will bring each day and being spontaneous about how they react that life when it does come is a thrill for them. That makes me want to cry...but since I don't cry that won't happen.
Well when I was pregnant I allowed myself to have life's ultimate surprise. I didn't want to know the sex of my baby. What? A control freak was willing to be surprised? Yep. I guess each time I think of how amazing it was in that moment to have no control and no idea what was going to happen, I remind myself that surprises really can be good. Obviously not all parenting suprises are amazing and fun (like finding your 6 year old playing with his football in the toilet water) but acknowledging that learning can come from not knowing how to react is empowering.
Guess we all have to let go sometimes...as long as it doesn't mean more things will go inside the toilet water; literally and figuratively.
So I guess the question is...why do I continue to disillusion myself into believing I have it all figured out, even part of the time? The truth would be to say I never know what the hell I am doing. It's all one giant experiment and my kids are the unfortunate test subjects for my inability to always be amazing at parenting.
Disillusioning myself into thinking that I've got this parenting thing down even a little is a protection mechanism I suppose. If I allow myself to think even slightly that I can't do it, then psychologically I will fail. Guaranteed! Telling myself that I can do it, and I know what is happening, and I know how to react, at least theoretically provides me with some hope that I can respond appropriately.
Surprise is such a funny concept. For a control freak like me it's a terrifying concept. Horrifies me honestly. But some people totally thrive on it. They love not knowing what life will bring each day and being spontaneous about how they react that life when it does come is a thrill for them. That makes me want to cry...but since I don't cry that won't happen.
Well when I was pregnant I allowed myself to have life's ultimate surprise. I didn't want to know the sex of my baby. What? A control freak was willing to be surprised? Yep. I guess each time I think of how amazing it was in that moment to have no control and no idea what was going to happen, I remind myself that surprises really can be good. Obviously not all parenting suprises are amazing and fun (like finding your 6 year old playing with his football in the toilet water) but acknowledging that learning can come from not knowing how to react is empowering.
Guess we all have to let go sometimes...as long as it doesn't mean more things will go inside the toilet water; literally and figuratively.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Born to be a mother
NOPE, I was NOT born to be a mom. As a matter of fact I hate children. When I was pregnant with my first I was certain I would hate her. Actually as it stands now I maintain my hatred of children...not my own, but certainly yours! I also don't think I'm the only mother who wasn't born to be one and yet still, by circumstance and the dirty-dirty, here we all are. So now what?
This thought that we are all born with mothering instincts irritates me. I actually think it is on the top of the list of things that allow mothers to unnecessarily judge each other. Like if you don't just love all the things about your children or respond in the right way to the challenges, you carry around this shameful scarlet letter tattooed on your forehead. As if there is a right and wrong way anyway.
Do I think instincts exist? Of course. Do I think mothers have them? Sure. Do I think other mothers misuse this term as a tool for gossip and mistreatment of each other? NO DOUBT.
Your birthing story is yours. Your reasoning behind having children is yours. Your struggle or simplicity in the process is yours. Do I think you should use your experience and your feelings to tell me how I should feel about it? No.
I don't always make the right choices. I don't always say the right things. Sometimes I react in ways that horrify me when it comes to my kids, but I try really hard to not judge other mothers who tell me those same stories. I wish women could just support each other unconditionally without constantly playing the "I'm better than you are game" with one another.
Whether you wanted to be a mother or not, you ARE a mother. Whether you love being a mother or not, you still ARE a mother. Whether you enjoy the experiences that come from being a mother, you are always going to be a mother. There is no shame in admitting the struggles and admitting that maybe this isn't the life you dreamed for yourself.
If you chose to be a mother and it was always something you dreamed of, there is only one difference between you and I...because I didn't really want to be mom I don't carry the shame in admitting that motherhood doesn't live up to the impossible picture we as women form for ourselves.
I know I'm not super mom and I wasn't born to be, but just like I tell my children when they are doing something...the only thing I ask is that each time you try a little harder than last time, and you get a little better than you were the day before, and you learn to do it a little different if it wasn't right the first time.
Can you really ask for more than that from yourself?
This thought that we are all born with mothering instincts irritates me. I actually think it is on the top of the list of things that allow mothers to unnecessarily judge each other. Like if you don't just love all the things about your children or respond in the right way to the challenges, you carry around this shameful scarlet letter tattooed on your forehead. As if there is a right and wrong way anyway.
Do I think instincts exist? Of course. Do I think mothers have them? Sure. Do I think other mothers misuse this term as a tool for gossip and mistreatment of each other? NO DOUBT.
Your birthing story is yours. Your reasoning behind having children is yours. Your struggle or simplicity in the process is yours. Do I think you should use your experience and your feelings to tell me how I should feel about it? No.
I don't always make the right choices. I don't always say the right things. Sometimes I react in ways that horrify me when it comes to my kids, but I try really hard to not judge other mothers who tell me those same stories. I wish women could just support each other unconditionally without constantly playing the "I'm better than you are game" with one another.
Whether you wanted to be a mother or not, you ARE a mother. Whether you love being a mother or not, you still ARE a mother. Whether you enjoy the experiences that come from being a mother, you are always going to be a mother. There is no shame in admitting the struggles and admitting that maybe this isn't the life you dreamed for yourself.
If you chose to be a mother and it was always something you dreamed of, there is only one difference between you and I...because I didn't really want to be mom I don't carry the shame in admitting that motherhood doesn't live up to the impossible picture we as women form for ourselves.
I know I'm not super mom and I wasn't born to be, but just like I tell my children when they are doing something...the only thing I ask is that each time you try a little harder than last time, and you get a little better than you were the day before, and you learn to do it a little different if it wasn't right the first time.
Can you really ask for more than that from yourself?
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Want or need...
Do I want freedom or do I need to feel like I have my own life?
Wants and needs as a mother are just as interesting as the role itself and defining whether the things we desire in life are true needs or wants is very tricky. As mothers we naturally tell ourselves that our own needs are always wants because we must put our children first. Their needs become more important than our needs so we simply invalidate ours and make them into wants. God forbid as mothers we have wants. That's selfish (insert sarcasm in case you weren't sure)!
I happen to be a firm believer in putting myself first. I think if I put myself and my needs first, then I am by far a better wife. When I am a better wife, we have a better marriage. When we have a better marriage, my children are happier and healthier. The cycle of happiness in my home begins with mommy. This is something I am criticized for frequently and it baffles me. I don't see anything wrong with meeting my needs first. I don't think that has a correlation to my children NOT having their needs met. I don't think it is either/or. I think I am allowed to have my needs met as well, but that is a societal no no. As mothers we are supposed to be all selfless and self-sacrificing. Well, I think that's crap.
Parenthood is a really strange dichotomy. On one hand it's a connection to something larger than yourself. On the other however, it's a chain that forever binds you to something in a way that seems out of your control. Some days I feel like I want freedom from this life that seems decided by what my kids wants and needs are. But I think most days I really just need to find the balance between meeting their needs and needing to have my own life.
Although I talk big and say I believe in putting myself first, I'm not always good at it...mommy, the continuous work in progress. I think the thing that helps me the most is actually writing down the things I need to feel capable...A shower everyday, 45 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes to read a book or a trashy magazine, a phone conversation with my sister or a friend, a babysitter every other week for date night, etc. These are the things that keep me sane.
There is nothing wrong as mothers with acknowledging our needs. If it takes a list to make you do it, then make the list. Make yourself more important than anyone else in your life. It's ok to put YOU first. Being a strong, confident, sane mother is something worth showing your children and doing something for yourself every single day is a pretty good start.
Wants and needs as a mother are just as interesting as the role itself and defining whether the things we desire in life are true needs or wants is very tricky. As mothers we naturally tell ourselves that our own needs are always wants because we must put our children first. Their needs become more important than our needs so we simply invalidate ours and make them into wants. God forbid as mothers we have wants. That's selfish (insert sarcasm in case you weren't sure)!
I happen to be a firm believer in putting myself first. I think if I put myself and my needs first, then I am by far a better wife. When I am a better wife, we have a better marriage. When we have a better marriage, my children are happier and healthier. The cycle of happiness in my home begins with mommy. This is something I am criticized for frequently and it baffles me. I don't see anything wrong with meeting my needs first. I don't think that has a correlation to my children NOT having their needs met. I don't think it is either/or. I think I am allowed to have my needs met as well, but that is a societal no no. As mothers we are supposed to be all selfless and self-sacrificing. Well, I think that's crap.
Parenthood is a really strange dichotomy. On one hand it's a connection to something larger than yourself. On the other however, it's a chain that forever binds you to something in a way that seems out of your control. Some days I feel like I want freedom from this life that seems decided by what my kids wants and needs are. But I think most days I really just need to find the balance between meeting their needs and needing to have my own life.
Although I talk big and say I believe in putting myself first, I'm not always good at it...mommy, the continuous work in progress. I think the thing that helps me the most is actually writing down the things I need to feel capable...A shower everyday, 45 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes to read a book or a trashy magazine, a phone conversation with my sister or a friend, a babysitter every other week for date night, etc. These are the things that keep me sane.
There is nothing wrong as mothers with acknowledging our needs. If it takes a list to make you do it, then make the list. Make yourself more important than anyone else in your life. It's ok to put YOU first. Being a strong, confident, sane mother is something worth showing your children and doing something for yourself every single day is a pretty good start.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
The Glimpse
While rare (the chupacabra of my life really), there are fleeting moments in my home where my children are genuinely kind to each other.
This morning I found my middle daughter and youngest son curled up in her room, working on something. When I asked what they were up to my daughter said she had made little projects for my son to work on to help him learn things "a 1st grader needed to know," and for each project he completed she would give him "kid tickets." She said he could then save up his kid tickets and she would let him trade them in for objects she would purchase for him with her own allowance. Really? That's so sweet and generous.
Now don't get too excited. Right after that I asked them to come downstairs and eat breakfast and she promptly pushed him down the stairs as they walked, but in the one tiny moment before that something amazing happened...I saw a glimpse of the relationship they could have together.
As parents we hope our kids grow up to trust each other, love unconditionally, and establish a relationship and bond that only siblings can have. In our day to day lives we lose sight of that possibility when surrounded by yelling, fighting, pushing, and just plain unfriendly behavior with one another. But if we pay attention, those moments do happen where we can see what might be.
Today I'll hold onto the glimpse and the endless possibilities of what can and hopefully will be in the future for my kids...I have to hold onto that or else in those moments of insanity (daily) I just might sell them to the first person who wants them.
This morning I found my middle daughter and youngest son curled up in her room, working on something. When I asked what they were up to my daughter said she had made little projects for my son to work on to help him learn things "a 1st grader needed to know," and for each project he completed she would give him "kid tickets." She said he could then save up his kid tickets and she would let him trade them in for objects she would purchase for him with her own allowance. Really? That's so sweet and generous.
Now don't get too excited. Right after that I asked them to come downstairs and eat breakfast and she promptly pushed him down the stairs as they walked, but in the one tiny moment before that something amazing happened...I saw a glimpse of the relationship they could have together.
As parents we hope our kids grow up to trust each other, love unconditionally, and establish a relationship and bond that only siblings can have. In our day to day lives we lose sight of that possibility when surrounded by yelling, fighting, pushing, and just plain unfriendly behavior with one another. But if we pay attention, those moments do happen where we can see what might be.
Today I'll hold onto the glimpse and the endless possibilities of what can and hopefully will be in the future for my kids...I have to hold onto that or else in those moments of insanity (daily) I just might sell them to the first person who wants them.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Whatcha doin?
So if you have ever seen an episode of Phineas and Ferb then this statement is a very clear and obvious one...to those of you who have not and frankly have NO idea what this means, here it is summed up for you as best I can...Do you really have nothing better to do in your life than ask me what I am doing?
When it relates to my children the answer is apparently always yes, I have nothing better to do than say, "Hey mom, whatcha doin'?"
This blows my mind. I guess for a half a second I can revel in the fact that they care since in a couple years they won't want to have anything to do with me, but then when I come back down to reality and remember they are just being annoying, I am, well, annoyed.
So my eldest daughter wandered into my office for the 100th time a couple days ago after literally pacing outside my door for 10 minutes. She proceeded to walk around my desk stand directly next to me, ask me the dreaded "whatcha doin' mom" question and then start tapping her foot...really, your tapping your foot at me? My response of "working" was one she didn't like of course and when I asked her if she desired for me to hang out with her or play a game with her or do something other than work she said "of course not. I don't want to do anything with you mom, I just wonder if what adults do is cooler than what kids do. But work is NOT cool so I'm gonna leave."
Well there you have it. Work is not cool. Be a kid, enjoy being a kid, love having no real responsibility and stop asking me what I'm doing because someday, what I'm doing is what you'll have to do and trust me, kid options are way cooler than being an adult.
When it relates to my children the answer is apparently always yes, I have nothing better to do than say, "Hey mom, whatcha doin'?"
This blows my mind. I guess for a half a second I can revel in the fact that they care since in a couple years they won't want to have anything to do with me, but then when I come back down to reality and remember they are just being annoying, I am, well, annoyed.
So my eldest daughter wandered into my office for the 100th time a couple days ago after literally pacing outside my door for 10 minutes. She proceeded to walk around my desk stand directly next to me, ask me the dreaded "whatcha doin' mom" question and then start tapping her foot...really, your tapping your foot at me? My response of "working" was one she didn't like of course and when I asked her if she desired for me to hang out with her or play a game with her or do something other than work she said "of course not. I don't want to do anything with you mom, I just wonder if what adults do is cooler than what kids do. But work is NOT cool so I'm gonna leave."
Well there you have it. Work is not cool. Be a kid, enjoy being a kid, love having no real responsibility and stop asking me what I'm doing because someday, what I'm doing is what you'll have to do and trust me, kid options are way cooler than being an adult.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Summertime Stupidity
As I watched my friends 10 year old son shoot himself in the face with a nerf gun (repeatedly and on purpose) it occurred to me in a quick moment of both relief and sadness...every child gets extra stupid in the summertime.
Now I have said previously that my kids are smarter than I am so let me clarify...although I believe they pay attention more and thus retain more new information in general, they are absolutely without a doubt LIFE stupid...and in the summers, it is exponentionally more obvious than other times.
Beyond being life stupid they just have no common sense. Things that are obvious and the answer is something they have heard 100 times, in the summer they suddenly have no ability to conjure up original thought or basic idea's of obvious actions and reactions. If you lean over while you are carrying a bottle of juice for example you absolutely will dump it out all over yourself and my furniture...and after you do that, NO you are NOT allowed to be shocked that the outcome was such and NO I don't have to tell you it's ok.
Now it could be a combination of hormones and heat but that is almost irrelevant. If I have to deal with absolutely utter moronic ridiculousness daily then I don't really care why or where it came from, I just want it to go away.
As all mothers do the countdown to the end of the summer I really just do a countdown to the end of summertime stupidity and hope that when all is said and done I haven't had permanent scarring of my own brain function. Only time will tell with that one.
Now I have said previously that my kids are smarter than I am so let me clarify...although I believe they pay attention more and thus retain more new information in general, they are absolutely without a doubt LIFE stupid...and in the summers, it is exponentionally more obvious than other times.
Beyond being life stupid they just have no common sense. Things that are obvious and the answer is something they have heard 100 times, in the summer they suddenly have no ability to conjure up original thought or basic idea's of obvious actions and reactions. If you lean over while you are carrying a bottle of juice for example you absolutely will dump it out all over yourself and my furniture...and after you do that, NO you are NOT allowed to be shocked that the outcome was such and NO I don't have to tell you it's ok.
Now it could be a combination of hormones and heat but that is almost irrelevant. If I have to deal with absolutely utter moronic ridiculousness daily then I don't really care why or where it came from, I just want it to go away.
As all mothers do the countdown to the end of the summer I really just do a countdown to the end of summertime stupidity and hope that when all is said and done I haven't had permanent scarring of my own brain function. Only time will tell with that one.
Friday, August 3, 2012
God must be a woman...she invented Target
So today I was in Target and was reminded of a conversation I had with my SIL a couple years ago where she very pointedly said "God must be a woman...she invented Target." Genius, and if you are a woman, you completely and totally understand this statement.
Target is like a woman's heaven. Why? Well it's simple. Whether you have kids or not, you can wander the aisles dreaming of what could be. In the clothing aisle you think of how cute that dress will be when your ass isn't saggy anymore. In the bathroom aisle you imagine how simply you could make your downstairs bath into a cute spa oasis for guests. In the office aisle you conjure up all the amazing ways you'll organize every single room in your home. In the bedroom aisle you...ok you get the picture right? I don't have to get dirty now do I?
The point is that every woman wants to believe and dream of what could be in their life. Dream of nicer skin, hipper clothes, a more organized and decorated home...whatever it is that you as a woman dream of, you want to be able to visualize it and imagine it happening in your life.
It isn't about buying the things in Target. It is about hoping for the things that could be. Establishing your dream board, but in a walk- through-it-and-live-in-it kind of way that just makes you smile.
I don't know about you, but a really good day is my iPod playing in my ears, a $1 bag of popcorn, and a slow, leisurely walk through Target, uninterrupted and amazing. David Beckham might walk up shirtless and ask my opinion on the cleaning product he should buy but that is a whole other post.
Target is like a woman's heaven. Why? Well it's simple. Whether you have kids or not, you can wander the aisles dreaming of what could be. In the clothing aisle you think of how cute that dress will be when your ass isn't saggy anymore. In the bathroom aisle you imagine how simply you could make your downstairs bath into a cute spa oasis for guests. In the office aisle you conjure up all the amazing ways you'll organize every single room in your home. In the bedroom aisle you...ok you get the picture right? I don't have to get dirty now do I?
The point is that every woman wants to believe and dream of what could be in their life. Dream of nicer skin, hipper clothes, a more organized and decorated home...whatever it is that you as a woman dream of, you want to be able to visualize it and imagine it happening in your life.
It isn't about buying the things in Target. It is about hoping for the things that could be. Establishing your dream board, but in a walk- through-it-and-live-in-it kind of way that just makes you smile.
I don't know about you, but a really good day is my iPod playing in my ears, a $1 bag of popcorn, and a slow, leisurely walk through Target, uninterrupted and amazing. David Beckham might walk up shirtless and ask my opinion on the cleaning product he should buy but that is a whole other post.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
What the..."Juby"
This weeks "what the..." Wednesday is brought to you by "juby."
It always blows my mind what my children randomly learn from other kids...and not just what they hear, but the stuff they actually remember. I mean God only knows how much they really hear from their friends. I wish for half a second I could be in the mind of a child so I could truly see why one simple statement is memorable whereas another is not.
For example, at dinner the other night during random conversation as is par for the course in my home, my eldest daughter proclaims that once at her school a 5th grade boy was expelled for pulling the fire alarm. My 6 year old promptly and with NO hesitation at all says "I accidentally pulled one of those when I was 4. If I pulled it now that I'm 6, I would have to go to JUBY. In juby they make you eat bugs...you seriously do NOT want to go there!"
I nearly died. Hysterically funny! But wait, what? Juby? Where in the world did you hear about juby? "Oh my friend Alex told me" he says. Well Alex must have one naughty older brother or else Alex's parents use this "juby" as a tool for behavior modification. Hmm, that's slightly disturbing in the context of a 6 year old and yet mildly genius.
This weeks lesson...Don't miss dinner time with kids. You really just never know when a "juby" moment may visit your home.
It always blows my mind what my children randomly learn from other kids...and not just what they hear, but the stuff they actually remember. I mean God only knows how much they really hear from their friends. I wish for half a second I could be in the mind of a child so I could truly see why one simple statement is memorable whereas another is not.
For example, at dinner the other night during random conversation as is par for the course in my home, my eldest daughter proclaims that once at her school a 5th grade boy was expelled for pulling the fire alarm. My 6 year old promptly and with NO hesitation at all says "I accidentally pulled one of those when I was 4. If I pulled it now that I'm 6, I would have to go to JUBY. In juby they make you eat bugs...you seriously do NOT want to go there!"
I nearly died. Hysterically funny! But wait, what? Juby? Where in the world did you hear about juby? "Oh my friend Alex told me" he says. Well Alex must have one naughty older brother or else Alex's parents use this "juby" as a tool for behavior modification. Hmm, that's slightly disturbing in the context of a 6 year old and yet mildly genius.
This weeks lesson...Don't miss dinner time with kids. You really just never know when a "juby" moment may visit your home.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Having smart kids is expensive
I know what you're thinking...obviously if your kids were stupid (alright I probably shouldn't say stupid...how about not so smart) it wouldn't necessarily be cheaper, but my intention with this post was just to vent that this was not something I was prepared for when I had children.
As you have seen with my previous post about my kids being smarter than I am already, I am sure you are noticing a theme; I am not the most prepared mother in terms of expectations related to my children. I am unsure of whether or not it is a good thing that I don't have ridiculous expectations of what my children will be like, but nonetheless I was grossly unprepared for how expensive it would be to supply children with the things they need to keep "growing dendrites" as my 10 year old likes to say.
Sure if my kids wanted video games or lots of new clothes that would be expensive as well, but it is easy as a parent to say no to frivolous wants. Part of teaching your children the lessons of life involve teaching them that they can't have everything they want. Money doesn't grow on trees, blah blah blah. I don't want to raise entitled children who think that anything they want they can have. But when your child asks you for books, or scale models of the solar system, or even a giant poster of the periodic table of elements you pause and rethink your previously established rule of saying no to pretty much everything they ask for.
How do you say no to things that make them grow and thrive? It's the million dollar question!
While I ponder an answer I guess I will go poor supplying my kids with things that grow their dendrites and hope eventually it pays off with college scholarships, great jobs, or really just happy, healthy, NOT stupid children. God please NO stupid children...that can't be too much to ask for right?
As you have seen with my previous post about my kids being smarter than I am already, I am sure you are noticing a theme; I am not the most prepared mother in terms of expectations related to my children. I am unsure of whether or not it is a good thing that I don't have ridiculous expectations of what my children will be like, but nonetheless I was grossly unprepared for how expensive it would be to supply children with the things they need to keep "growing dendrites" as my 10 year old likes to say.
Sure if my kids wanted video games or lots of new clothes that would be expensive as well, but it is easy as a parent to say no to frivolous wants. Part of teaching your children the lessons of life involve teaching them that they can't have everything they want. Money doesn't grow on trees, blah blah blah. I don't want to raise entitled children who think that anything they want they can have. But when your child asks you for books, or scale models of the solar system, or even a giant poster of the periodic table of elements you pause and rethink your previously established rule of saying no to pretty much everything they ask for.
How do you say no to things that make them grow and thrive? It's the million dollar question!
While I ponder an answer I guess I will go poor supplying my kids with things that grow their dendrites and hope eventually it pays off with college scholarships, great jobs, or really just happy, healthy, NOT stupid children. God please NO stupid children...that can't be too much to ask for right?
Saturday, July 28, 2012
The Things We Do for Our Kids
I can't totally put my finger on it, but this statement really, really bugs me. As a parent you signed up to take care of your children...which means providing for them their basic necessities and of course emotional needs as well. If you have a child then you don't get to throw in their face the "things I do for you." You're SUPPOSED to do those things. If you choose to do more than the basic things you agreed to when you chose to have a child then you still don't get to point out to them all you do...you made a choice to give them those things as well.
Your children don't choose you. They don't get to choose how you raise them. They don't really get a choice about the things you provide for them. Ultimately, all those things are your choices.
Do I think as a parent you can be frustrated with your kids unwillingness to be grateful for the things they have in their life? Yes, but I definitely don't think you get to guilt trip them about all they have.
My kids are endlessly frustrating to me in the ungrateful department. My kids favorite saying most days is "that's not fair." So do I get frustrated with the fact that they don't totally comprehend how blessed they are in their life? Yes, but I try to not to say to them "here's all I do for you, blah blah blah. Aren't you lucky?" I definitely struggle with not guilt-tripping them about it, but I make a conscious effort to try not to.
Truthfully, are kids really even capable of seeing how blessed they are? They know no life other than the one I have given them and even when exposed to how different others lives are, I still don't think they truly comprehend it. Do my kids know there are starving kids in the world or even kids in their own neighborhood who share one room in a small home with their whole family? Of course, but that doesn't stop my kids from whining about what I gave them for dinner and not eating it, and thinking their own bedroom just "isn't all I hoped it would be" (whatever that means). I honestly don't think my kids will ever really be grateful for the life they have until they have to take care of themselves completely and potentially not until they have to take care of another human being.
I don't think pointing out all they have or all I do for them does any good. On the contrary I actually think it teaches them to resent me. So while I will be internally annoyed about how ungrateful my kids are, I will keep it inside....well, I will probably point out the need for being thankful in life but I won't give them a laundry list of all those things...hopefully...here's to trying anyway.
Your children don't choose you. They don't get to choose how you raise them. They don't really get a choice about the things you provide for them. Ultimately, all those things are your choices.
Do I think as a parent you can be frustrated with your kids unwillingness to be grateful for the things they have in their life? Yes, but I definitely don't think you get to guilt trip them about all they have.
My kids are endlessly frustrating to me in the ungrateful department. My kids favorite saying most days is "that's not fair." So do I get frustrated with the fact that they don't totally comprehend how blessed they are in their life? Yes, but I try to not to say to them "here's all I do for you, blah blah blah. Aren't you lucky?" I definitely struggle with not guilt-tripping them about it, but I make a conscious effort to try not to.
Truthfully, are kids really even capable of seeing how blessed they are? They know no life other than the one I have given them and even when exposed to how different others lives are, I still don't think they truly comprehend it. Do my kids know there are starving kids in the world or even kids in their own neighborhood who share one room in a small home with their whole family? Of course, but that doesn't stop my kids from whining about what I gave them for dinner and not eating it, and thinking their own bedroom just "isn't all I hoped it would be" (whatever that means). I honestly don't think my kids will ever really be grateful for the life they have until they have to take care of themselves completely and potentially not until they have to take care of another human being.
I don't think pointing out all they have or all I do for them does any good. On the contrary I actually think it teaches them to resent me. So while I will be internally annoyed about how ungrateful my kids are, I will keep it inside....well, I will probably point out the need for being thankful in life but I won't give them a laundry list of all those things...hopefully...here's to trying anyway.
Friday, July 27, 2012
The One-Upper Mother
Yep we have all met her. The mom who is AMAZING at absolutely EVERYTHING. Her marriage is perfect...her kids are always well mannered and dressed exactly as they should be, braids/fancy hair bows and all...her house is immaculate...her kids are geniuses and of course the best in their class and at ALL the sports they do.
My only question is, would I rather be honest or live a life of delusion as the one-upper mother does?
I can see how a life of delusion could be cool. If you say something to yourself often enough you just might believe it right?. Maybe if I lived a life of delusion about my children and my marriage I might not want to poke my eyes with hot needles on a daily basis. Maybe if I told myself that I was always doing everything in my life correctly and always had the appropriate response in every situation with my kids I might feel better about the job I do. Maybe if my kids always looked perfect and you could eat off the floor in my kitchen I would be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I was one kick-ass mother!
And yet, if this life of delusion were really my "reality" I can't help but think that at night, alone in my bed in the dark I would have a moment where I would say to myself, geez Jaime, you are so full of s**t! At least I hope I would call myself out on it.
Who really wants to be so dishonest with themselves. We all have moments where we embellish our reality or stretch the truth about what really happens in our lives to other people: that's human nature I suppose. But I would rather tell you my house looks like crap, today I wanted to murder my husband, and I put all my kids things in garbage bags because they wouldn't clean their rooms, then pretend that all things are great all the time.
What a truly sad and lonely life it must be to be perfect and amazing ALL THE TIME!
My only question is, would I rather be honest or live a life of delusion as the one-upper mother does?
I can see how a life of delusion could be cool. If you say something to yourself often enough you just might believe it right?. Maybe if I lived a life of delusion about my children and my marriage I might not want to poke my eyes with hot needles on a daily basis. Maybe if I told myself that I was always doing everything in my life correctly and always had the appropriate response in every situation with my kids I might feel better about the job I do. Maybe if my kids always looked perfect and you could eat off the floor in my kitchen I would be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I was one kick-ass mother!
And yet, if this life of delusion were really my "reality" I can't help but think that at night, alone in my bed in the dark I would have a moment where I would say to myself, geez Jaime, you are so full of s**t! At least I hope I would call myself out on it.
Who really wants to be so dishonest with themselves. We all have moments where we embellish our reality or stretch the truth about what really happens in our lives to other people: that's human nature I suppose. But I would rather tell you my house looks like crap, today I wanted to murder my husband, and I put all my kids things in garbage bags because they wouldn't clean their rooms, then pretend that all things are great all the time.
What a truly sad and lonely life it must be to be perfect and amazing ALL THE TIME!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Patience
The question of the hour...when you are a mother, are you truly even capable of being patient?
Today I went to a friends house so she and I could have a play date and the kids of course could have one too. On our way out the door I texted her and asked if she needed anything. Her response..."No, just patience." My response..."Well then I'm screwed!" And the truth is, I am TOTALLY screwed.
Before I had my first child I thought maybe I would be capable of listening, understanding, accepting my children for their faults. Reality...I am capable of NONE of those things. Some people are surely built to be mothers and are ingrained with more understanding and more patience in general. Those mothers STILL aren't always patient. My pet peeve...when mothers pretend they are ALWAYS patient.
Kids are stupid...I'm pretty sure that's their job actually. Stupidity which turns into parental testing, which hopefully in a circular way turns into a life lesson when all is said and done (hopefully being the operative word).
Weekly (ok I am being generous...daily) I have a moment with my kids where I say to myself "yep they are gonna tell their therapist someday about this one." I guess I have decided that in it's own strange way the things they tell their therapist someday are opportunities for learning...for both them and I.
Patience is a virtue as my mother said, and although I frequently sing the patience song to my children (you know...have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry...when you get impatient you only start to worry...blah blah blah) it would do me some good to listen sometimes and heed my own advice. But since patience and stubbornness don't really go together, I'm gonna have to put it on the list for a future conversation with my own therapist.
Inappropriate to save for therapy for my kids instead of college? Hmm....
Today I went to a friends house so she and I could have a play date and the kids of course could have one too. On our way out the door I texted her and asked if she needed anything. Her response..."No, just patience." My response..."Well then I'm screwed!" And the truth is, I am TOTALLY screwed.
Before I had my first child I thought maybe I would be capable of listening, understanding, accepting my children for their faults. Reality...I am capable of NONE of those things. Some people are surely built to be mothers and are ingrained with more understanding and more patience in general. Those mothers STILL aren't always patient. My pet peeve...when mothers pretend they are ALWAYS patient.
Kids are stupid...I'm pretty sure that's their job actually. Stupidity which turns into parental testing, which hopefully in a circular way turns into a life lesson when all is said and done (hopefully being the operative word).
Weekly (ok I am being generous...daily) I have a moment with my kids where I say to myself "yep they are gonna tell their therapist someday about this one." I guess I have decided that in it's own strange way the things they tell their therapist someday are opportunities for learning...for both them and I.
Patience is a virtue as my mother said, and although I frequently sing the patience song to my children (you know...have patience, have patience, don't be in such a hurry...when you get impatient you only start to worry...blah blah blah) it would do me some good to listen sometimes and heed my own advice. But since patience and stubbornness don't really go together, I'm gonna have to put it on the list for a future conversation with my own therapist.
Inappropriate to save for therapy for my kids instead of college? Hmm....
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
What the...flush
I can't possibly be the only parent in the world who still has to tell her 9 year old to flush the toilet right? I can't possibly be the only parent in the world who thinks that is TOTALLY gross and that at some point my kids SHOULD be old enough to flush the toilet without asking right?
Gosh I hope I'm not the only one!
Why is it that seemingly simple tasks like remembering to flush the toilet totally escape my children? It just blows my mind that the smell alone doesn't prompt them into flushing simply so they don't want to gag every time they enter their own bathroom.
Before you go there that my 9 year old must be a boy and boys are gross...you'd be wrong. It's a girl, and she is just as gross as my little boy, maybe even worse in some ways.
I am totally terrified for true teenage years when my kids really smell, are legitimately dirty and I can no longer FORCE them to shower, and conversations about laundry and hair brushing turn into hats over tangled/greasy hair and inside out underwear wearing.
No wonder deodorant and AXE body spray are so popular. Maybe I should start a line specifically for moms to give to their children called STOP GROSSING ME OUT! I mean seriously?!?
Gosh I hope I'm not the only one!
Why is it that seemingly simple tasks like remembering to flush the toilet totally escape my children? It just blows my mind that the smell alone doesn't prompt them into flushing simply so they don't want to gag every time they enter their own bathroom.
Before you go there that my 9 year old must be a boy and boys are gross...you'd be wrong. It's a girl, and she is just as gross as my little boy, maybe even worse in some ways.
I am totally terrified for true teenage years when my kids really smell, are legitimately dirty and I can no longer FORCE them to shower, and conversations about laundry and hair brushing turn into hats over tangled/greasy hair and inside out underwear wearing.
No wonder deodorant and AXE body spray are so popular. Maybe I should start a line specifically for moms to give to their children called STOP GROSSING ME OUT! I mean seriously?!?
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Bon bons and soap operas
I remember like it was yesterday the first work party I went to with
my husband. We had maybe been married a year but when you attend things
like this where you don't know anyone it is common to ask generic
questions...you know like "what do you do for a living?" WOW what a
question! It seems so simple and obvious but for the first time I had to
think about. What is my job? Am I a stay at home mom? Am I a part time
working mother who runs a scrapbook store but really only "works" 4 days
a week outside of the home? I don't know! What do I say? My simple
response and his seemingly simple answer would change my life..."I stay
at home with my child." "Oh you're just a mom. Well that's wonderful.
I wish I could spend all day at home eating bon bons and watching soap
operas." Spend all day at home doing what? Um that's not how I would
describe my average day.
I guess the part that frustrates me the most about my memory of that moment is that I didn't do something else. My initial response was shock honestly but I wish I would have validated what I did...not that that jerk off would care anyway...not the point though.
So, why is it that people think mothers just sit at home? Is it our fault that people think we eat bon bons all day and watch soap operas?
I can't decide honestly if I contribute to this nonsense or try and debunk it. As a stay at home mother (maybe by choice, partially by fear of doing anything else at this point) I find that my job is not one that is respected. I just can't decide if stay at home moms have made that ridiculous stereotype or if it is something society perpetuates.
As hard as it is for me to admit, I know there have been times when asked that I have said "I am just a mom." In my soul I know I don't believe that, but I tell myself that the "real" answer to the question of what I do for a living is too difficult to say. The truth...I honestly believe that the real reason I don't tell people what I actually do all day long is because I don't want people thinking I am just trying to come up with things to make it sound like I don't sit around and eat bon bons and watch soap operas. But this is my issue and my problem that I put on other people...thus the same circular issue...is it me who perpetuates the lie or is it society?
I guess the answer to me is a little bit of both. People have no idea what mothers do all day long unless they have been in our shoes so they should shut the hell up about it. As far as mothers go, we need to learn to be more confident in the work we do whether we get paid for it or not.
As for me, I guess it's time I learn to be ok with saying, "I stay at home with my children. I am the PTA President at their elementary school. I manage dozens if not nearly 100 volunteers in the 3 nationwide non-profit organizations I volunteer for. I am currently writing 3 books. I have my own blog. I manage a household of 5 people and do it pretty damn well. What do you do for a living?"
I guess the part that frustrates me the most about my memory of that moment is that I didn't do something else. My initial response was shock honestly but I wish I would have validated what I did...not that that jerk off would care anyway...not the point though.
So, why is it that people think mothers just sit at home? Is it our fault that people think we eat bon bons all day and watch soap operas?
I can't decide honestly if I contribute to this nonsense or try and debunk it. As a stay at home mother (maybe by choice, partially by fear of doing anything else at this point) I find that my job is not one that is respected. I just can't decide if stay at home moms have made that ridiculous stereotype or if it is something society perpetuates.
As hard as it is for me to admit, I know there have been times when asked that I have said "I am just a mom." In my soul I know I don't believe that, but I tell myself that the "real" answer to the question of what I do for a living is too difficult to say. The truth...I honestly believe that the real reason I don't tell people what I actually do all day long is because I don't want people thinking I am just trying to come up with things to make it sound like I don't sit around and eat bon bons and watch soap operas. But this is my issue and my problem that I put on other people...thus the same circular issue...is it me who perpetuates the lie or is it society?
I guess the answer to me is a little bit of both. People have no idea what mothers do all day long unless they have been in our shoes so they should shut the hell up about it. As far as mothers go, we need to learn to be more confident in the work we do whether we get paid for it or not.
As for me, I guess it's time I learn to be ok with saying, "I stay at home with my children. I am the PTA President at their elementary school. I manage dozens if not nearly 100 volunteers in the 3 nationwide non-profit organizations I volunteer for. I am currently writing 3 books. I have my own blog. I manage a household of 5 people and do it pretty damn well. What do you do for a living?"
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
My kids are smarter than I am
I know what you are thinking...OF COURSE I think my kids are smart. It's like the ugly kid rule...if your kid is ugly you probably don't know it right because you love your kids no matter what. Well, my kids really ARE smarter than me and not in a good way...not good for my ego anyway.
I remember the first time I saw Jeff Foxworthy on that show "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader" and I thought of course I am. I should be right? Theoretically I have a college degree so by default I should be smarter than a 5th grader. I went all the way through 16th grade for crying out loud.
Well this past year as I had my first 5th grader I realized I am definitely NOT smarter than a 5th grader. As a matter of fact I think I'm not smarter than my now 4th grader either. I think my 1st grader may be smarter than me too!
The worst part about being a grown up is we lose our desire to be truly curious about what is around us. We take for granted the things we have seen and think we really do know it all because we have been there. No wonder our kids ignore us when we talk to them. I would ignore me too!
After I swallowed my pride when I could no longer help my 10 year old with her math homework, realized the rainforest knowledge my 9 year old has far exceeds my understanding of the plants in my own yard, and my 6 year old's ability to count numbers by 8 made me pause for a second to tell him he was correct I realized something...it's not that my kids are truly smarter than I am, they just pay attention more than I do.
Well holy giant light bulb moment. As a mother I am WAY too busy NOT paying attention. If we really just took 5 minutes every day to learn something new...see something we have seen before in a different light...LISTEN to our children, we too would open the whole world up to ourselves.
I say to my kids all the time that life is short. We only have so much time to experience things and learn things so do them now when you have the chance. Be happy being a kid. Well why don't we as mothers say that same thing to ourselves? There is no reason why I can't look at myself in the mirror every morning and say "today I am going to learn something new. I am going to have fun, enjoy the things that come my way, and be open to all the possibilities."
Why is it okay for us to give our children the message of living life to its fullest but we don't think we are deserving of it?
I remember the first time I saw Jeff Foxworthy on that show "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader" and I thought of course I am. I should be right? Theoretically I have a college degree so by default I should be smarter than a 5th grader. I went all the way through 16th grade for crying out loud.
Well this past year as I had my first 5th grader I realized I am definitely NOT smarter than a 5th grader. As a matter of fact I think I'm not smarter than my now 4th grader either. I think my 1st grader may be smarter than me too!
The worst part about being a grown up is we lose our desire to be truly curious about what is around us. We take for granted the things we have seen and think we really do know it all because we have been there. No wonder our kids ignore us when we talk to them. I would ignore me too!
After I swallowed my pride when I could no longer help my 10 year old with her math homework, realized the rainforest knowledge my 9 year old has far exceeds my understanding of the plants in my own yard, and my 6 year old's ability to count numbers by 8 made me pause for a second to tell him he was correct I realized something...it's not that my kids are truly smarter than I am, they just pay attention more than I do.
Well holy giant light bulb moment. As a mother I am WAY too busy NOT paying attention. If we really just took 5 minutes every day to learn something new...see something we have seen before in a different light...LISTEN to our children, we too would open the whole world up to ourselves.
I say to my kids all the time that life is short. We only have so much time to experience things and learn things so do them now when you have the chance. Be happy being a kid. Well why don't we as mothers say that same thing to ourselves? There is no reason why I can't look at myself in the mirror every morning and say "today I am going to learn something new. I am going to have fun, enjoy the things that come my way, and be open to all the possibilities."
Why is it okay for us to give our children the message of living life to its fullest but we don't think we are deserving of it?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The hardest part of being a parent is other kids parents
I have stayed fairly consistent over time in my belief that the hardest part about being a parent is other peoples parenting. If anything, my agreement with this statement has only grown as my kids have grown and I have been "forced" to have to deal with other peoples parenting choices more frequently.
Now I want to make it clear that I do the best I can to not judge other peoples parenting choices. My annoyance with the things they say and do to their own children has no correlation with a perceived judgement that they should or shouldn't be doing it. I simply despise that the choices they make force me to alter my interactions with my children. I'm certain other mothers feel that way about me too.
As a parent you are allowed to expose your children to what you deem appropriate. You are allowed to discipline how you see fit. You are allowed to give or not give anything and everything to your children. You can do what YOU want relating to YOUR children.
Well as the kids get older and they venture away from your house and into others homes or others voices at school they are instantly exposed to an entire world of things they have never heard or seen before. Of course this is life. As we grow we see new things and learn new things every day. But when you are a child, it is your parents responsibility to expose you to those things when they feel you are ready (although obviously not always possible). Truthfully I just really hate that I have to have conversations with my kid about little Billy's obsession with condoms because his parents thought it was cool to let him play with theirs (yes this really happened).
It is a strange and annoying adjustment to realize that you have crossed into a place in your relationship with your children where you seemingly spend more time answering their questions about things they heard or saw with one of their peers than you do learning about their unique thoughts and perceptions of the world around them.
I think as moms the best thing we can do is stay open and honest with our children when they have questions about something they heard, and most importantly, don't overreact. This is the one I struggle with the most. As my children get older I am consciously aware that my reaction to what they say shapes whether they feel they can be honest with me about things they are curious about. Although they are frequently asking me things that I just wouldn't have exposed them to yet, I try to be accepting of their thoughts, share with them my honest answers in a way that still feels age appropriate to me, and just hope for the best.
I have NO desire to be my kids friend. I am their parent. But I do desire for them to feel as though they can trust me with questions and situations they know I might not like. Their friends will lie to them. Their friends will give them really bad advice. It terrifies me to think of the day when they hear something from their friend and they don't ask me about it. So for now, although I am SUPER annoyed that other parents choices change my relationship with my kids, I try to use it as a learning opportunity for me and my kids and a chance for us to grow some trust that they can really tell me anything. I won't always like it, but I will always be there.
Now I want to make it clear that I do the best I can to not judge other peoples parenting choices. My annoyance with the things they say and do to their own children has no correlation with a perceived judgement that they should or shouldn't be doing it. I simply despise that the choices they make force me to alter my interactions with my children. I'm certain other mothers feel that way about me too.
As a parent you are allowed to expose your children to what you deem appropriate. You are allowed to discipline how you see fit. You are allowed to give or not give anything and everything to your children. You can do what YOU want relating to YOUR children.
Well as the kids get older and they venture away from your house and into others homes or others voices at school they are instantly exposed to an entire world of things they have never heard or seen before. Of course this is life. As we grow we see new things and learn new things every day. But when you are a child, it is your parents responsibility to expose you to those things when they feel you are ready (although obviously not always possible). Truthfully I just really hate that I have to have conversations with my kid about little Billy's obsession with condoms because his parents thought it was cool to let him play with theirs (yes this really happened).
It is a strange and annoying adjustment to realize that you have crossed into a place in your relationship with your children where you seemingly spend more time answering their questions about things they heard or saw with one of their peers than you do learning about their unique thoughts and perceptions of the world around them.
I think as moms the best thing we can do is stay open and honest with our children when they have questions about something they heard, and most importantly, don't overreact. This is the one I struggle with the most. As my children get older I am consciously aware that my reaction to what they say shapes whether they feel they can be honest with me about things they are curious about. Although they are frequently asking me things that I just wouldn't have exposed them to yet, I try to be accepting of their thoughts, share with them my honest answers in a way that still feels age appropriate to me, and just hope for the best.
I have NO desire to be my kids friend. I am their parent. But I do desire for them to feel as though they can trust me with questions and situations they know I might not like. Their friends will lie to them. Their friends will give them really bad advice. It terrifies me to think of the day when they hear something from their friend and they don't ask me about it. So for now, although I am SUPER annoyed that other parents choices change my relationship with my kids, I try to use it as a learning opportunity for me and my kids and a chance for us to grow some trust that they can really tell me anything. I won't always like it, but I will always be there.
Monday, July 9, 2012
What the...girl hormones
I feel like I may do one of these once a week. Like a traditional weekly post you can look forward to. My "what the hell, are you freaking serious, you've got to be kidding me" post that really just makes you either laugh, cry, or just plain feel sorry for me.
This weeks moment is sponsored by little girl hormones. As usual for me I was totally unprepared for when girl hormones kicked it. In my blissful ignorance I believed I had until the teenage years...you know like 13. Well obviously that didn't happen. It actually started when my now 10 year old turned 9. It was like a magical switch of insanity turned on inside of her adorable blonde head and she instantly grew horns and became illogical and frankly kind of stupid.
The problem I have isn't necessarily the outbursts themselves. Don't get me wrong they are jarring at best, but truthfully the main issue is the utter randomness. I never have any warning. I mean when a tornado comes a giant siren goes off. Where is my hormone siren, or severe hormone update sent directly to my phone to prepare me for what is about to happen? Now that's an app you can take straight to the bank.
So back to today's "what the..." moment. I'm having a conversation with my oldest daughter about the way her new room should look. Where the bed should go, which wall should the desk be placed on? You know, seemingly simple and non-emotional topics. Oh boy was I wrong. I made the "mistake" of suggesting that she place her desk on a certain wall to provide her the right kind of spacing for her science area and she immediately burst into tears. Apparently the suggestion of her desk location meant that I didn't at all understand what was important to her because if I did then of course I would know that her desk must be located near where her bed is so that she can place her books on it "at my leisure." YES she actually said "at my leisure."
So then once she stopped hysterically crying she put her hands on her hips, looked directly at me and said, "You don't understand me at all" (you're right I don't) "and you have NO feelings" (like I've never heard that one before).
It's gonna be a LONG road to 18 years old. 7+ years and counting...
This weeks moment is sponsored by little girl hormones. As usual for me I was totally unprepared for when girl hormones kicked it. In my blissful ignorance I believed I had until the teenage years...you know like 13. Well obviously that didn't happen. It actually started when my now 10 year old turned 9. It was like a magical switch of insanity turned on inside of her adorable blonde head and she instantly grew horns and became illogical and frankly kind of stupid.
The problem I have isn't necessarily the outbursts themselves. Don't get me wrong they are jarring at best, but truthfully the main issue is the utter randomness. I never have any warning. I mean when a tornado comes a giant siren goes off. Where is my hormone siren, or severe hormone update sent directly to my phone to prepare me for what is about to happen? Now that's an app you can take straight to the bank.
So back to today's "what the..." moment. I'm having a conversation with my oldest daughter about the way her new room should look. Where the bed should go, which wall should the desk be placed on? You know, seemingly simple and non-emotional topics. Oh boy was I wrong. I made the "mistake" of suggesting that she place her desk on a certain wall to provide her the right kind of spacing for her science area and she immediately burst into tears. Apparently the suggestion of her desk location meant that I didn't at all understand what was important to her because if I did then of course I would know that her desk must be located near where her bed is so that she can place her books on it "at my leisure." YES she actually said "at my leisure."
So then once she stopped hysterically crying she put her hands on her hips, looked directly at me and said, "You don't understand me at all" (you're right I don't) "and you have NO feelings" (like I've never heard that one before).
It's gonna be a LONG road to 18 years old. 7+ years and counting...
I love every other minute...
I remember the first time I went to a moms support group. I lived in CA at the time and I had two girls under the age of 2. None of my friends were married or had kids and I was desperate to find support and connection with other mothers who shared the same thoughts and feelings I was experiencing.
I brought my children to the park play date that was happening and as us moms stood around and chatted about life, I remember thinking I shared absolutely nothing in common with these women. They were talking about how happy their lives were and how they "loved every single minute of being a mom." What? Every single minute? Was I crazy then? I didn't love every single minute. At 2:00am when I was alone in the dark, crying because I couldn't get my baby to stop crying I wasn't loving being a mom. When I was at home all day having no adult conversation or interaction of any kind I wasn't loving being a mom. When I walked into my daughters room to find poop smeared all over the walls I wasn't loving being a mom.
It was in that moment I realized the unspoken rule between mothers; it is not okay to complain out loud about the "bad" parts of being a parent. This realization saddened me. I didn't see anything wrong with talking openly about the struggles, but the mere mention of hard times from my mouth got gasps from the other moms. I made no connection between my complaints and a lack of love for my children but that was certainly the connection the other mothers seemed to make.
I went home from that play date feeling sad and alone in my mothering struggles until that evening when I received an email. One of the moms from the play date sent me a message that simply said she agreed with me that being a mom was hard and that she thought it was cool that I was willing to say out loud that "I loved every OTHER minute of being a mom." Hmm? If she felt that way why didn't she back my play in front of the other moms?
Peer pressure really is a fascinating thing and watching it in action with adults is even more interesting. Moms want so badly to be accepted and fit in so they are often willing to sacrifice their feelings in one aspect to be emotionally acknowledged in another. For me it is an ongoing struggle to find other women who are willing to be honest about what really goes on in motherhood. I have found some though, many actually, and it's not like all we do is sit around and complain about how awful our lives are...but it is nice to feel like you aren't crazy because you wanted to lock your kids in the closet today, or lock yourself in there for that matter.
For me being a mother is amazing and awful, it just depends on the day. I love my kids and watching them grow and change is the joy of my life, but it isn't my entire life. Admitting that things are hard sometimes and that I need alternate activities for myself to keep my sanity isn't a weakness in my mind. I am allowed to want to be something besides "just" a mom, but that is a post for another day.
This minute my kids are amazing, creative, smart, funny, etc. A minute from now they might be back talking, rude, disrespectful, annoying, and in time out. Enjoy the minute of wonder, learn from the minute of hell, and if anyone asks it really is okay to say you love every OTHER minute of being a mom.
I brought my children to the park play date that was happening and as us moms stood around and chatted about life, I remember thinking I shared absolutely nothing in common with these women. They were talking about how happy their lives were and how they "loved every single minute of being a mom." What? Every single minute? Was I crazy then? I didn't love every single minute. At 2:00am when I was alone in the dark, crying because I couldn't get my baby to stop crying I wasn't loving being a mom. When I was at home all day having no adult conversation or interaction of any kind I wasn't loving being a mom. When I walked into my daughters room to find poop smeared all over the walls I wasn't loving being a mom.
It was in that moment I realized the unspoken rule between mothers; it is not okay to complain out loud about the "bad" parts of being a parent. This realization saddened me. I didn't see anything wrong with talking openly about the struggles, but the mere mention of hard times from my mouth got gasps from the other moms. I made no connection between my complaints and a lack of love for my children but that was certainly the connection the other mothers seemed to make.
I went home from that play date feeling sad and alone in my mothering struggles until that evening when I received an email. One of the moms from the play date sent me a message that simply said she agreed with me that being a mom was hard and that she thought it was cool that I was willing to say out loud that "I loved every OTHER minute of being a mom." Hmm? If she felt that way why didn't she back my play in front of the other moms?
Peer pressure really is a fascinating thing and watching it in action with adults is even more interesting. Moms want so badly to be accepted and fit in so they are often willing to sacrifice their feelings in one aspect to be emotionally acknowledged in another. For me it is an ongoing struggle to find other women who are willing to be honest about what really goes on in motherhood. I have found some though, many actually, and it's not like all we do is sit around and complain about how awful our lives are...but it is nice to feel like you aren't crazy because you wanted to lock your kids in the closet today, or lock yourself in there for that matter.
For me being a mother is amazing and awful, it just depends on the day. I love my kids and watching them grow and change is the joy of my life, but it isn't my entire life. Admitting that things are hard sometimes and that I need alternate activities for myself to keep my sanity isn't a weakness in my mind. I am allowed to want to be something besides "just" a mom, but that is a post for another day.
This minute my kids are amazing, creative, smart, funny, etc. A minute from now they might be back talking, rude, disrespectful, annoying, and in time out. Enjoy the minute of wonder, learn from the minute of hell, and if anyone asks it really is okay to say you love every OTHER minute of being a mom.
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