Surprise

I suppose this is a redundant word when it comes to parenting but oh how I am constantly surprised with this whole shenanigan called parenting. Even more so, life surprises me. Just when you think you have it all figured out something comes around that knocks you straight on your ass.

So I guess the question is...why do I continue to disillusion myself into believing I have it all figured out, even part of the time? The truth would be to say I never know what the hell I am doing. It's all one giant experiment and my kids are the unfortunate test subjects for my inability to always be amazing at parenting.

Disillusioning myself into thinking that I've got this parenting thing down even a little is a protection mechanism I suppose. If I allow myself to think even slightly that I can't do it, then psychologically I will fail. Guaranteed! Telling myself that I can do it, and I know what is happening, and I know how to react, at least theoretically provides me with some hope that I can respond appropriately.

Surprise is such a funny concept. For a control freak like me it's a terrifying concept. Horrifies me honestly. But some people totally thrive on it. They love not knowing what life will bring each day and being spontaneous about how they react that life when it does come is a thrill for them. That makes me want to cry...but since I don't cry that won't happen.

Well when I was pregnant I allowed myself to have life's ultimate surprise. I didn't want to know the sex of my baby. What? A control freak was willing to be surprised? Yep. I guess each time I think of how amazing it was in that moment to have no control and no idea what was going to happen, I remind myself that surprises really can be good. Obviously not all parenting suprises are amazing and fun (like finding your 6 year old playing with his football in the toilet water) but acknowledging that learning can come from not knowing how to react is empowering.

Guess we all have to let go sometimes...as long as it doesn't mean more things will go inside the toilet water; literally and figuratively.