Want or need...

Do I want freedom or do I need to feel like I have my own life?

Wants and needs as a mother are just as interesting as the role itself and defining whether the things we desire in life are true needs or wants is very tricky. As mothers we naturally tell ourselves that our own needs are always wants because we must put our children first. Their needs become more important than our needs so we simply invalidate ours and make them into wants. God forbid as mothers we have wants. That's selfish (insert sarcasm in case you weren't sure)!

I happen to be a firm believer in putting myself first. I think if I put myself and my needs first, then I am by far a better wife. When I am a better wife, we have a better marriage. When we have a better marriage, my children are happier and healthier. The cycle of happiness in my home begins with mommy. This is something I am criticized for frequently and it baffles me. I don't see anything wrong with meeting my needs first. I don't think that has a correlation to my children NOT having their needs met. I don't think it is either/or. I think I am allowed to have my needs met as well, but that is a societal no no. As mothers we are supposed to be all selfless and self-sacrificing. Well, I think that's crap.

Parenthood is a really strange dichotomy.  On one hand it's a connection to something larger than yourself. On the other however, it's a chain that forever binds you to something in a way that seems out of your control. Some days I feel like I want freedom from this life that seems decided by what my kids wants and needs are. But I think most days I really just need to find the balance between meeting their needs and needing to have my own life.

Although I talk big and say I believe in putting myself first, I'm not always good at it...mommy, the continuous work in progress. I think the thing that helps me the most is actually writing down the things I need to feel capable...A shower everyday, 45 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes to read a book or a trashy magazine, a phone conversation with my sister or a friend, a babysitter every other week for date night, etc.  These are the things that keep me sane.

There is nothing wrong as mothers with acknowledging our needs. If it takes a list to make you do it, then make the list. Make yourself more important than anyone else in your life. It's ok to put YOU first. Being a strong, confident, sane mother is something worth showing your children and doing something for yourself every single day is a pretty good start.