Born to be a mother

NOPE, I was NOT born to be a mom. As a matter of fact I hate children. When I was pregnant with my first I was certain I would hate her. Actually as it stands now I maintain my hatred of children...not my own, but certainly yours! I also don't think I'm the only mother who wasn't born to be one and yet still, by circumstance and the dirty-dirty, here we all are. So now what?

This thought that we are all born with mothering instincts irritates me. I actually think it is on the top of the list of things that allow mothers to unnecessarily judge each other. Like if you don't just love all the things about your children or respond in the right way to the challenges, you carry around this shameful scarlet letter tattooed on your forehead. As if there is a right and wrong way anyway.

Do I think instincts exist? Of course. Do I think mothers have them? Sure. Do I think other mothers misuse this term as a tool for gossip and mistreatment of each other? NO DOUBT.

Your birthing story is yours. Your reasoning behind having children is yours. Your struggle or simplicity in the process is yours. Do I think you should use your experience and your feelings to tell me how I should feel about it? No.

I don't always make the right choices. I don't always say the right things. Sometimes I react in ways that horrify me when it comes to my kids, but I try really hard to not judge other mothers who tell me those same stories. I wish women could just support each other unconditionally without constantly playing the "I'm better than you are game" with one another.

Whether you wanted to be a mother or not, you ARE a mother. Whether you love being a mother or not, you still ARE a mother. Whether you enjoy the experiences that come from being a mother, you are always going to be a mother. There is no shame in admitting the struggles and admitting that maybe this isn't the life you dreamed for yourself.

If you chose to be a mother and it was always something you dreamed of, there is only one difference between you and I...because I didn't really want to be mom I don't carry the shame in admitting that motherhood doesn't live up to the impossible picture we as women form for ourselves.

I know I'm not super mom and I wasn't born to be, but just like I tell my children when they are doing something...the only thing I ask is that each time you try a little harder than last time, and you get a little better than you were the day before, and you learn to do it a little different if it wasn't right the first time.

Can you really ask for more than that from yourself?