I love every other minute...

I remember the first time I went to a moms support group. I lived in CA at the time and I had two girls under the age of 2. None of my friends were married or had kids and I was desperate to find support and connection with other mothers who shared the same thoughts and feelings I was experiencing.

I brought my children to the park play date that was happening and as us moms stood around and chatted about life, I remember thinking I shared absolutely nothing in common with these women. They were talking about how happy their lives were and how they "loved every single minute of being a mom." What? Every single minute? Was I crazy then? I didn't love every single minute. At 2:00am when I was alone in the dark, crying because I couldn't get my baby to stop crying I wasn't loving being a mom. When I was at home all day having no adult conversation or interaction of any kind I wasn't loving being a mom. When I walked into my daughters room to find poop smeared all over the walls I wasn't loving being a mom.

It was in that moment I realized the unspoken rule between mothers; it is not okay to complain out loud about the "bad" parts of being a parent. This realization saddened me. I didn't see anything wrong with talking openly about the struggles, but the mere mention of hard times from my mouth got gasps from the other moms. I made no connection between my complaints and a lack of love for my children but that was certainly the connection the other mothers seemed to make.

I went home from that play date feeling sad and alone in my mothering struggles until that evening when I received an email. One of the moms from the play date sent me a message that simply said she agreed with me that being a mom was hard and that she thought it was cool that I was willing to say out loud that "I loved every OTHER minute of being a mom." Hmm? If she felt that way why didn't she back my play in front of the other moms?

Peer pressure really is a fascinating thing and watching it in action with adults is even more interesting. Moms want so badly to be accepted and fit in so they are often willing to sacrifice their feelings in one aspect to be emotionally acknowledged in another. For me it is an ongoing struggle to find other women who are willing to be honest about what really goes on in motherhood. I have found some though, many actually, and it's not like all we do is sit around and complain about how awful our lives are...but it is nice to feel like you aren't crazy because you wanted to lock your kids in the closet today, or lock yourself in there for that matter.

For me being a mother is amazing and awful, it just depends on the day. I love my kids and watching them grow and change is the joy of my life, but it isn't my entire life. Admitting that things are hard sometimes and that I need alternate activities for myself to keep my sanity isn't a weakness in my mind. I am allowed to want to be something besides "just" a mom, but that is a post for another day.

This minute my kids are amazing, creative, smart, funny, etc. A minute from now they might be back talking, rude, disrespectful, annoying, and in time out. Enjoy the minute of wonder, learn from the minute of hell, and if anyone asks it really is okay to say you love every OTHER minute of being a mom.