You don't "babysit" your own kids

What the hell is up with guys? Almost nothing irritates me more than when I hear a man say he is "babysitting his kids." You don't babysit your own children for crying out loud.

Why is it a mothers job to take care of the kids, but if the dad is taking care of them it is considered babysitting? Babysitting refers to something temporary. Kids are not temporary. We were both there to make the kid, we are both equally responsible for taking care of it.

Initially I mistakenly thought this was a stay at home mother issue but I find it equally common for the spouses of working moms to make the same babysitting proclamation. So honestly what's up with that? Can you imagine a mother saying to her friends that she's only babysitting the kids today? What does that even mean?

As I started to think about it I wondered if this whole babysitting thing is something we mothers perpetuate ourselves. Is there something that we are doing that allows our significant other to believe that he isn't as responsible for our children as we are? The harsh answer: Yes.

While my husband wouldn't dare use that word I do believe I have this issue in my own home and that I created it myself honestly. Being the control freak that I am (even if unintentionally), I put off a vibe that I am more capable of taking care of them than he is. When our children were younger I was certainly more of a nag. I had a perceived idea of what a parent "should" do and how they "should" play with their kids, feed them, etc. So if he didn't do it that way then I let him off the hook in the responsibilities and justified it to myself because I was doing what our kids needed. Thus creating an environment where it appears that he is only temporarily responsible for them and only when I need him to be.

So, how do we mothers solve this issue?  For starters, we stop criticizing our partner about the way they parent. My husband said something so profound to me when our oldest daughter was about 3 that it snapped me out of my unrealistic expectations of him. He said "you aren't allowed to tell me how to parent my child. I'm allowed to establish the kind of relationship I want with my children without you telling me how to do that. You don't get to decide how I bond." Wow! He's so right. I don't get to tell him. I would be pretty pissed honestly if he did the same thing to me.

Does it still frustrate me that he isn't as engaged as I perceive he should be? Yes. Does it totally annoy me that sometimes he thinks playing with the kids is reading while they play a game next to him? Absolutely. But our children adore him. They think he is a rock star. So if they can let him parent how he wants to then I absolutely should; within reason of course ;).

Parenting is a partnership and if we mothers make our partner feel inferior in the process than of course they are going to perceive their role as less than too. While it's hard to admit that the problem starts with us, sometimes it does, and realizing it is the first step to making it better for everybody.