Can I take credit for the things my kids do?

This is a concept I think most parents struggle with.  Can I take credit for the things my kids do? Or even further...should I?

It's interesting to think about this question whether you are a woman or a man, working inside or outside of the home, but I think the topic is a little more hotly debated by parents who stay at home. It is easier in some ways for stay at home parents (in their minds of course) to make the argument that they spend the most interactive time with the kids compared to their working spouse, so obviously they have more influence on the kids. To me, this thought process is a dangerous and slippery slope at best.

So I am admittedly a stay at home mother with a husband that has worked 12-16 hour days for most of the existence of our children. So on paper I could easily be "that" parent who makes the argument that the kids learn more from their time spent with me then the time spent with their father. Is this a good road to go down? When my daughter gets an A is it my hard work or hers? When my son hits a home run, is it his continuous practice or the fact that I bought him the bat? How about the other direction...when my kids swear is that my doing? How about lie? Did I teach them that? What about disrespecting their teacher or not doing their homework? My fault or their choice?

So I suppose that my point is obvious. If as parents we don't really want to own the embarrassing and ridiculous shenanigans our children choose to participate in, then can we really own their amazing choices? Can we boast about how smart they are, well mannered, kind to others, etc etc etc? Is it really acceptable for either parent to take ownership of the people our children become?

I guess the answer to my own question is sort of. As parents I guess I see our job as more of a nurturing of the possibilities then a shaping of the situation. Although I certainly have moments where I want to say that my actions and my choices have shaped my kids, I'm more willing to say that my choices and actions have shaped their options and given them the ability to learn what and who they want to be. It's more about helping them to learn to be their own person with their own thoughts and choices, then helping them to learn to be the person I think they should be.

Of course I have dreams of what my children will become. Of course my husband has dreams as well. Of course there are days when I can hear my husbands voice come out of the mouth of my daughter and my own voice come out of the mouth of my son, but I think that's more of an accident then an intentional grooming of who they are.

The truth is in my opinion that neither my husband or I really can or even should take responsibility for anything our kids do, good or bad. We birthed children out of love, with hopes for happiness and success for them and that's about it. I have wants for them, but pushing my wants isn't my job. Showing them a good example, explaining all the possibilities, teaching them to have minds of their own, and nurturing the people they want to be are the only things I'm supposed to do as their mother. At some point we as parents have to allow our children to be accountable for their own choices and thoughts and no longer make excuses for them. We also need to stop blaming ourselves for the poor choices our kids make. Eventually we have to erase the guilt that comes with our kids choosing to do something different than what we think we have showed them as the "right" path. Their choices aren't our downfall somehow. Successful parenting in my opinion means you raised a child who thinks for themselves. The result of that is poor choices and bad behavior sometimes. How can they possibly learn how to make the right choices and be great people if they don't sometimes struggle to do that?