Has anyone seen this makeup free Barbie? A graphic artist did a rendition of a Barbie that has no makeup. While in theory this sounds alright, in actual practice I'm kind of annoyed.
I'm not a makeup girl. Not even close. If you know me then you know full well that I occasionally wear makeup, but for the most part just don't feel I need it. Not that I won't change my mind, but for the moment I'm good in general. That doesn't mean I have a problem with makeup, I certainly don't, I just take the stance that I don't want my husband to wake up in the morning with a different woman than he went to bed with at night if you know what I mean.
The point of the explanation is to show a history to some extent that I am not a huge proponent of makeup. So in theory I should love this makeup free Barbie: A chance for us to raise our daughters with an image of what "real" women look like not some unattainable beauty queen. Awesome. Well, not so much...
When I was a kid my mom didn't want me to have Barbies. At my birthday as a matter of fact she would take any Barbie I received and confiscate it. Her thought process was that as a woman she wanted me to be proud of who I was naturally and not want to be something fake that I wasn't really capable of being; Cover up my true self by focusing on clothes and makeup, etc. In some ways I appreciate my mothers approach. I understand where she was coming from. My mother is an incredibly strong woman who is self aware and capable and she thought that came from imagination in other ways, not necessarily Barbie doll ways...literally and figuratively. As an adult I'm not convinced I agree with her thought process. Sometimes it's ok to explore all the possibilities of the person you can be, not just the person society thinks you should be...and thus, my ultimate problem.
So, if you haven't seen a picture of "makeup free Barbie" then you might think she simply looks the same, minus the coloration's on her eyes, lips, and cheeks. Well you would be dead wrong. This particular makeup free Barbie (created by a man BTW) has sunken eyes, wrinkles, frizzy hair, and even yellowing brownish teeth. WOW!!!! I had NO idea that if you took away the makeup, you would uncover a hideously old looking woman who doesn't brush her teeth, hair, or wash her face and hasn't looked in the mirror maybe in weeks.
So let me get this straight. Makeup free Barbie is supposed to liberate our daughters from thinking they need to hide behind makeup to pretend to be beautiful, but you've made makeup free Barbie so hideous that now you have done the opposite. You have terrified my pre-teenage daughter into believing that if she doesn't wear makeup she will turn into a hideously ugly crack head witch of a human being! Wow, great plan stupid man. Have you lost your mind?!?
There must be a middle ground...no I don't want to raise self absorbed, delusional, entitled daughters who think makeup, clothes, and money will bring them happiness. I do however want to raise daughters who are confident about who they are and what they have to offer. I'm not certain that makeup means that my goals are impossible. Makeup isn't the enemy. Truthfully, society is what steers our children wrong in many ways...the makeup isn't the problem. Maybe the son you've raised to see beauty only in the exterior is what's wrong? Just a thought...
My point I guess is that we seem to focus on the wrong things. The makeup isn't what's wrong with Barbie...what's wrong with Barbie is the way we teach our daughters to play with her. I think we can have it both ways. We don't just have to be the pretty Barbie (and there is nothing wrong with being beautiful FYI). We can be the strong, confident, capable, takes care of herself Barbie who kicks ass and takes names, WHILE wearing makeup and a cute outfit. The idea that we as women have to choose between beauty and brains is what's wrong with us...not the makeup.
If I saw that graphic designer on the street I might slap him...do you teach your daughters to see beauty as a negative? Shame on you...we CAN have it all, and I WILL teach my daughters they can be EVERYTHING they want to be, including beautiful!
Friday, April 19, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Can I take credit for the things my kids do?
This is a concept I think most parents struggle with. Can I take credit for the things my kids do? Or even further...should I?
It's interesting to think about this question whether you are a woman or a man, working inside or outside of the home, but I think the topic is a little more hotly debated by parents who stay at home. It is easier in some ways for stay at home parents (in their minds of course) to make the argument that they spend the most interactive time with the kids compared to their working spouse, so obviously they have more influence on the kids. To me, this thought process is a dangerous and slippery slope at best.
So I am admittedly a stay at home mother with a husband that has worked 12-16 hour days for most of the existence of our children. So on paper I could easily be "that" parent who makes the argument that the kids learn more from their time spent with me then the time spent with their father. Is this a good road to go down? When my daughter gets an A is it my hard work or hers? When my son hits a home run, is it his continuous practice or the fact that I bought him the bat? How about the other direction...when my kids swear is that my doing? How about lie? Did I teach them that? What about disrespecting their teacher or not doing their homework? My fault or their choice?
So I suppose that my point is obvious. If as parents we don't really want to own the embarrassing and ridiculous shenanigans our children choose to participate in, then can we really own their amazing choices? Can we boast about how smart they are, well mannered, kind to others, etc etc etc? Is it really acceptable for either parent to take ownership of the people our children become?
I guess the answer to my own question is sort of. As parents I guess I see our job as more of a nurturing of the possibilities then a shaping of the situation. Although I certainly have moments where I want to say that my actions and my choices have shaped my kids, I'm more willing to say that my choices and actions have shaped their options and given them the ability to learn what and who they want to be. It's more about helping them to learn to be their own person with their own thoughts and choices, then helping them to learn to be the person I think they should be.
Of course I have dreams of what my children will become. Of course my husband has dreams as well. Of course there are days when I can hear my husbands voice come out of the mouth of my daughter and my own voice come out of the mouth of my son, but I think that's more of an accident then an intentional grooming of who they are.
The truth is in my opinion that neither my husband or I really can or even should take responsibility for anything our kids do, good or bad. We birthed children out of love, with hopes for happiness and success for them and that's about it. I have wants for them, but pushing my wants isn't my job. Showing them a good example, explaining all the possibilities, teaching them to have minds of their own, and nurturing the people they want to be are the only things I'm supposed to do as their mother. At some point we as parents have to allow our children to be accountable for their own choices and thoughts and no longer make excuses for them. We also need to stop blaming ourselves for the poor choices our kids make. Eventually we have to erase the guilt that comes with our kids choosing to do something different than what we think we have showed them as the "right" path. Their choices aren't our downfall somehow. Successful parenting in my opinion means you raised a child who thinks for themselves. The result of that is poor choices and bad behavior sometimes. How can they possibly learn how to make the right choices and be great people if they don't sometimes struggle to do that?
It's interesting to think about this question whether you are a woman or a man, working inside or outside of the home, but I think the topic is a little more hotly debated by parents who stay at home. It is easier in some ways for stay at home parents (in their minds of course) to make the argument that they spend the most interactive time with the kids compared to their working spouse, so obviously they have more influence on the kids. To me, this thought process is a dangerous and slippery slope at best.
So I am admittedly a stay at home mother with a husband that has worked 12-16 hour days for most of the existence of our children. So on paper I could easily be "that" parent who makes the argument that the kids learn more from their time spent with me then the time spent with their father. Is this a good road to go down? When my daughter gets an A is it my hard work or hers? When my son hits a home run, is it his continuous practice or the fact that I bought him the bat? How about the other direction...when my kids swear is that my doing? How about lie? Did I teach them that? What about disrespecting their teacher or not doing their homework? My fault or their choice?
So I suppose that my point is obvious. If as parents we don't really want to own the embarrassing and ridiculous shenanigans our children choose to participate in, then can we really own their amazing choices? Can we boast about how smart they are, well mannered, kind to others, etc etc etc? Is it really acceptable for either parent to take ownership of the people our children become?
I guess the answer to my own question is sort of. As parents I guess I see our job as more of a nurturing of the possibilities then a shaping of the situation. Although I certainly have moments where I want to say that my actions and my choices have shaped my kids, I'm more willing to say that my choices and actions have shaped their options and given them the ability to learn what and who they want to be. It's more about helping them to learn to be their own person with their own thoughts and choices, then helping them to learn to be the person I think they should be.
Of course I have dreams of what my children will become. Of course my husband has dreams as well. Of course there are days when I can hear my husbands voice come out of the mouth of my daughter and my own voice come out of the mouth of my son, but I think that's more of an accident then an intentional grooming of who they are.
The truth is in my opinion that neither my husband or I really can or even should take responsibility for anything our kids do, good or bad. We birthed children out of love, with hopes for happiness and success for them and that's about it. I have wants for them, but pushing my wants isn't my job. Showing them a good example, explaining all the possibilities, teaching them to have minds of their own, and nurturing the people they want to be are the only things I'm supposed to do as their mother. At some point we as parents have to allow our children to be accountable for their own choices and thoughts and no longer make excuses for them. We also need to stop blaming ourselves for the poor choices our kids make. Eventually we have to erase the guilt that comes with our kids choosing to do something different than what we think we have showed them as the "right" path. Their choices aren't our downfall somehow. Successful parenting in my opinion means you raised a child who thinks for themselves. The result of that is poor choices and bad behavior sometimes. How can they possibly learn how to make the right choices and be great people if they don't sometimes struggle to do that?
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