Being a mom is no joke, and trying to find my mommy identity is an ongoing process that for me, even after 11 years of parenting, I still haven't completely figured out. Is it really possible to establish your personal mommy identity?
So what do I mean by mommy identity? Well I'm not talking about the person I am aside from my children, I'm literally just talking about the type of mother I want to be for my children. Not the whole Jaime person, just the mommy part of who I am. Do I want to be a fun mom? A serious mom? A mom with lots of rules or totally lax about stuff? Do I over-involve them in activities or do I tell them to get out of my house and find their own stuff to do using that fancy thing called imagination? I don't know.
I guess I have continually struggled to find my mommy identity because putting it into one box is impossible. It is a combination of all of those things. I can't just be one type of mother because my kids keep changing. My situation keeps changing. I keep changing. So why do I feel this pressure to identify myself in a certain way? Is that pressure coming from society or from myself?
Obviously mothers unintentionally pressure each other sometimes to choose the type of mother we are through conversation about choices, reactions, etc. But the real pressure doesn't come from those other mothers...it comes from me. I want so badly to be able to say that I am a certain type of mother because in a strange way, that label validates the choices I have made relating to my children. If I identify myself as an organized, rule oriented mother than it is ok when I am totally inflexible and strict because that is what I have decided is best for my children. Or not...
I guess when it's all said and done I want to believe that I have a parenting strategy, not an identity. To me the difference is flexibility. Now no one would ever describe me as flexible but that's all the more reason to think of it this way. If I label myself as something I'm stuck. If I think of my parenting as an overall strategy then I can have goals but still allow myself to flex as my children grow and change.
Understanding who I am as a mother is an ongoing process that I may truly never grasp. But I'd rather my kids grow up and have lots of words to describe me (even bad words) rather than just the couple I chose to identify with.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
What the...Whistle
"Quality parent" moments...You know, those times when your kids do something totally wrong (I mean not PC kind of wrong) and all you can do is say to yourself "yep, quality parent right here."
One of my kids favorite things to do is rock out in my car. Wherever we are driving we turn up the music really loud, sing at the top of our lungs, and dance until we get to our destination. It's a long running pastime in my car and my kids beg me for it daily. Good clean family fun right? Sometimes...
So when I was a kid we were only allowed to listen to oldies, christian music, and Rick Astley of course. In my adult life I really like all kinds of music including not kid appropriate songs in some cases. Problem is, XM. On XM they play appropriate and not appropriate songs on the same station and sometimes inappropriate songs are so catchy that you leave them playing for a while before you realize that the words are NOT COOL! Enter "Whistle."
So "Whistle" is this totally catchy, really entertaining song by Flo Rida. Starts out with whistling and some fine lyrics until you realize that he is talking about "adult" whistling. But it's too late...your kids have absorbed the words and are now whistling even. Bigger problem...when the song comes on I can't help myself but listen to like the first 20 seconds cuz it's just so great.
Here's the quality parent part...song comes on and I taunt my youngest son for a second and say to him "isn't this your favorite song?" He promptly says no. But then, my oldest says "this is totally my favorite song" and begins whistling and worse, my middle daughter (totally straight-faced) says "this is THE song I sing in the shower."
There you have it...quality parent right here. I guess as long as it stays in the shower and she doesn't say it to some kid at school or worse her teacher, my quality parenting stays quiet; at least this one time.
One of my kids favorite things to do is rock out in my car. Wherever we are driving we turn up the music really loud, sing at the top of our lungs, and dance until we get to our destination. It's a long running pastime in my car and my kids beg me for it daily. Good clean family fun right? Sometimes...
So when I was a kid we were only allowed to listen to oldies, christian music, and Rick Astley of course. In my adult life I really like all kinds of music including not kid appropriate songs in some cases. Problem is, XM. On XM they play appropriate and not appropriate songs on the same station and sometimes inappropriate songs are so catchy that you leave them playing for a while before you realize that the words are NOT COOL! Enter "Whistle."
So "Whistle" is this totally catchy, really entertaining song by Flo Rida. Starts out with whistling and some fine lyrics until you realize that he is talking about "adult" whistling. But it's too late...your kids have absorbed the words and are now whistling even. Bigger problem...when the song comes on I can't help myself but listen to like the first 20 seconds cuz it's just so great.
Here's the quality parent part...song comes on and I taunt my youngest son for a second and say to him "isn't this your favorite song?" He promptly says no. But then, my oldest says "this is totally my favorite song" and begins whistling and worse, my middle daughter (totally straight-faced) says "this is THE song I sing in the shower."
There you have it...quality parent right here. I guess as long as it stays in the shower and she doesn't say it to some kid at school or worse her teacher, my quality parenting stays quiet; at least this one time.
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